Could insomnia possibly have benefits? I'm on another bender. Those sleepless nights give me plenty of opportunity to lie there and muse through the days happenings, my life in general and any other random or odd thought that decides to come to presence of mind. Skipping from one subject to the next- with no clear line on how one of these thoughts link to the next. No rhyme or reason, just a mind in overdrive, void of sleep. Maybe, if I write some of these thoughts here, they will disappear and not re-enter my conscious mind while I am trying to venture into REM.
Like- I wonder if while Martha Stewart was serving her time "up the river"~ Did she ever think about the fact that she just wasn't "famous" enough to escape the ramifications of her lawbreaking activities like OJ Simpson? And should I actually get out of bed and E-mail this startling revelation to Dana Carvey for his next stand up routine at 3:30 am? Or is it only THAT hilarious to me- the slumber denied woman? My husband snores directly into my face jolting my entertainment directly from me and I kick him in the shin and roll over.
It gets worse. I also thought long and hard about lotion. That's right- you heard it here first. Lotion. When others all across the globe are zonked out and dreaming about odd correlations in their life coming to fruition in the forms of dogs on tops of hills and their mothers turning into psycho clowns and chasing them around trying to murder them, waking up to find their panic was unfounded- thank GOD they were asleep and it was ONLY a dream.
I, conversely- am awake and have no excuse other than sleep deprivation for the reason I am thinking about a conversation held earlier in the day at my daughters Spring Concert. The older lady sitting directly in front of me, who kept her hair short and spiky- also had very prominent wrinkles on the back of her neck. They were very deep crevices similar to where you would find a yeast infection.
The back of my neck is a spot I don't pay alot of particular attention to in my ritual of skin preservation for the future. What if I decide to get a short haircut when I am older? Or lose all of my hair while undergoing chemotherapy? I have vowed to pay increased respect to this place that could someday be a highly visible area of my body, or to wear turtle necks and scarves, even possibly moving to the colder parts of Canada to seem less inconspicuous should I succumb to the unsightly problem.
I pray- another nightly ritual. First I give thanks for all of the things i dont deserve. Then, I pray for everyone I love,everyone that has asked for specific prayers,those who I know that are hurting, everyone I cant stand, every stranger and problem in the world, and even for myself. Usually this is when I fall asleep. But tonight I find myself apologizing to God for not being focused. In between the prayers I cant seem to give it all to Him. Instead I over analyze and find myself thinking way too deep about all of these things and then suddenly realize I am not praying anymore and conjure up all of the concentration I can muster back into that state of oneness.
FAIL! I get up to look for my dog who i just heard barking outside- damning the kids for letting her out without letting her back in. She is not there. I fret for a minute and then wake my 17 year old son.. " Did you let Kela out?" "GAWD, Mom, do you know what time it is? She's under the covers with me- ASLEEP!!!!" followed by a mumble that bore some resemblance to something like " Shit, go to bed Mom "
So~~my night of wakefulness brings about a vow to apply lotion daily to the back of my neck to make sure it never looks like a shriveled apricot that just came out of a bag with a shelf label that expired 12 years ago. If it really works, it will have been well worth one nights loss of sleep.
Once again signing~
Sleepless Syd
