Today I finally got the motivation to do 2 things. Shoe shop, and blog. Once upon a time in a land very close to here- I used to be a shoe a-holic. " Uh, My Name's Cindy, and Im a shoe addict" was a very plausible phrase. Not really, but I do have a nice collection of shoes that went with every oufit and every occassion. I still have the shoes but for the better part of 2 years they have been gathering dust in my shoe closet. Yeah- I have a shoe closet.... and I'm coming out.
The last several Summers I literally MOURN the simplicity of flip flops. Wedge shoes. Jesus Sandals.... and shorts. I must admit, I NEVER EVER thought I would have " shoe envy", but do I EVER!! Since I now wear custom AFO's ( Ankle foot orthotics) for stability, balance and long distance walking ( thats 23-41 steps before accesory muscles in my hips kick in)my desire to wear shorts in the Summer and go out in public has diminished. The AFO's are not stylish or pretty. They are black and go up a bit higher than mid-calf and also come with beautiful black velcro)
They are however, functional and have helped tremendously. They were custom made through a lengthy process of casting my feet at the peak of my neurological conditions attack. The attack had plenty of things on the menu to diminish my ability to walk, run, squat, kneel, crawl ,stoop,balance, and to withstand any pertebration. On the main menu was foot drop and paralysis of 3 toes on the left. ( I DARE YOU to try to immulate this and wear flip flops or designer shoes, please take photos or videos and send for my viewing enjoyment)For the side dish, I was served demyelination, which makes it very difficult for nerves and muscles to communicate. ( slowed nerve conduction velocity) and for dessert : Activity induced muscle fatigue and excercise intolerance)
I have always loved Summer: and considered myself equipped with a pretty good sense of style. Now, I wear flare legged jeans almost every day of the year, to disguise my AFO's ( sometimes referred to as shackles when I am experiencing a temporary bout of self pity) Remember the movie The Breakfast Club? Theres a part where " John Bender" spews off a line about all the names his Father has called him- I have a drop down list of other choice words as well sometimes... ANYWHO---
If I am at home I can wear close toed sandals, or if I am only going to walk a short distance. I try and wear my AFO's on a schedule of two days on, two days off to avoid skin break down issues at the bony prominences of my ankles.
I now am experiencing first hand what many of my patients over the last ten years struggled with, as I tried to enable them to be more independent by using all sorts of daily living aids and modifications to their environments and daily activities. Why were they so opposed to the tools I was presenting them? Because they didnt want to LOOK different. They didnt want to seem ABNORMAL. They didnt want to APPEAR weak, or feel INCAPABLE.
I feel petty, materialistic AND hypocritical even admitting how much trouble and grief the shoe issue has caused. The good news is this: I have found compatible shoes for AFO's. KEENS< TEVAS< ( some) ROCKETDOGS and--- drum roll- ( some) CONVERSE! ( hello- title was Chucks~!) What I am learning is that with a wide AND rounded toe box, the AFO's dont tear the shoes apart as bad, and it also increases my walking ability because the "toe- off" part of the gait cycle is MUCH easier with a rounded toe box.
So, I am going to wear shorts tomorrow IN PUBLIC rockin my new Chucks. Dan says knee high socks with shorts are back in style again so I can cover up my UFO's with those, but I'm not going to. The weather forecast says over 100 degrees and I am going to Hills Alive ( Christian Rock Music Festival) and I AM NOT wearing jeans to an outdoor venue in 100 degree weather. I cant dance without stumbling, and I cant stand for long.. but I WILL hear some of my favorite artists and WALK into the festival. PRAISE GOD for that- and for Keens, Tevas, RocketDogs and Chucks- no pic for this one, just a visual description. Chuck Taylor Double Tongue Converse- double laced- black and white outer shell with plaid inner shell...ON SALE~!
