Plan B: when it sucks

     My Great Aunt turns 100 on October 10th. This my my Grandma's sister. My grandma, though in heaven would be so proud to see family coming together.  I've never been to a hundredth birthday party before. Party plans have been in place with some still in the making. Cakes, decorations, photographer, guest book all the usual celebratory party things with an added aura of newness because none of us has yet seen a family member turn 100. Even the old people in our family, and I say that with a tone of respect. Cousins have been sharing tasks, plane tickets bought by relatives who live afar, work schedules changed, hotel reservations made, carpool plans in the works for those who live close enough to drive.. and now -they are cancelled. She has fallen ill and seems to be failing fast. We didn't have a plan B, as she was in great health and spirit until just 8 days ago. My prayers have been filled with a variety of things related to this and I am trusting God as I lay my own and other prayers at His feet. God has a plan B.

     I am a deep thinker and I can't seem to let go of what it must be like for her remaining siblings. The first of them to make it to 100, ready to gather for a happy celebration and not a farewell. I have five siblings and I am the youngest. I love each of them individually and as a "set". They are my friends, my mentors, my confidants. We do our best to take care of one another and fill the gaps; both of our parents passed away almost 20 years ago - just two and a half months apart. I was 23. 

     If you have read earlier blogs, I had said part of my reason for blogging was to encourage other families to stick together even when-and especially IF times are tough. Life gets busy when everyone has a family of their own; it is my sincerest hope that my family never feels that I am too busy for them. They have been there for our little family of five, just like traditional marriage vows dictate. In sickness and in health, for better for worse... And I hope they can say they feel the same of me. Tonight I feel admittedly very selfish. All of this thinking about my Great Aunt has left me feeling that I don't want to be the one in her siblings situation. I have prayed for, talked about and thought of my Great Aunt. But this night I can't shake thinking of my 3 brothers and 2 sisters.

     Again, if you read my blog, you know that I fight daily with a neuromuscular disease. Soon, I will go to Mayo clinic for a ....tune up. Yuuuuuuup- I'll just call it a tune up for now. The tune up will take some recovery time. On the days where I am feeling strong until I leave for my tune-up (health-wise)  I intend to make concerted efforts to connect with my siblings on a more consistent basis. Tomorrow I plan to volunteer in my niece's classroom for an hour and a half  with one of my sisters, as she is feeling sick and could use some help correcting multiple choice tests.. Lord knows, my siblings, in laws, nieces and nephews have done more than there fair share of checking in on or worrying about me. 

      But as I sign out of this blog post a tiny part of me is fearful that tomorrow won't be a good day and I will let somebody down. Mostly because Its staring me in the face what happens sometimes when  plans are made. I would like to say I am sorry for a melancholy post, but I also promised to be truthful. I'm tired of plan B for myself because plan B is always the same. When my illness, of which I can't fully control takes over- I stay home. Sometimes there is a plan C ( instead of meeting for coffee-friend can come here, etc). A classroom full of hormonal teenagers and a sick Spanish teacher cannot come here. 

Hoping for sleep-

Syd 

Recipe: No bake energy bites

So far, I've not had anyone eat just one and have been asked for the recipe a lot, so I am sharing here on my blog. I was making these more frequently for my sons band on practice night. You can very easily alter this recipe. They are great for grazers like myself who need small bits of food throughout the day, and perfect for a healthy snack or quick pick me up.

Here is my basic recipe.
2 c quick steel cut oats
1/2 c peanut butter
1/2 c honey ( can substitute maple syrup)
1 tsp. vanilla
1 TBSP fresh ground flax seed
Pinch of salt
1 TBSP chia seeds
1/4 c pumpkin seeds

Mix ingredients. Chill in fridge for about an hour. Roll into small balls ( an inch or so) or press into pan and cut into small squares. Store in fridge.

Ingredient alterations: Add 1/2 c. Organic choclate or white choclate chips, dried fruit, matcha powder. Use your imagination! If you're feeling fancy, you could make them into truffles by rolling in finely ground coffee, sprinkles, or dipping/ drizzling into bakers chocolate.

Speaking of energy, of course I have a cup of local blend Dark Canyon Jazzy Java blend at my side as I Try not to look at the clock. I did great for a few nights but  last night I was up at 2 am and this morning at 3:30. It isn't my typical insomnia bender that I have had since I was 18 years old. Lately it's been pain  that gets me up. May be time to set my alarm for midnight and take some ibuprofen again. I always know my pain is worse when I go to bed with ice instead of heat, as I am a heat seeker.

Again signing,
Sleepless Syd

The faith of a child.

     Since the title of my blog is the faith of a child you should probably know that I've been writing since I was a child myself. In one form or another, I've always been writing. Musing through the old blogs from here I realized I must have set it up when I was first trying to work through the process of becoming sick, and what a journey it has been. I have come to a pivotal point where I not only have the desire to write more often, I need to.

    I ended up with a bachelors degree in health Science and created my own degree pathway since I had already worked in the medical field. I wrote, and wrote.....and wrote. I am proud to say I graduated right near the top of my class and most of my papers were research. I learned so much about myself, and when I graduated, I was very passionate about rural health disparities and community health initiatives. Right now I am in a place that requires a lot of faith for discernment, for surely if that is what God intended me to do, I'd be doing it.

     I'm not purporting that it would be easy, or that it didn't " fall into my lap".  I've been listening to my moral compass and hearing that whatever work I do needs to be to the will of God. It needs to propel my faith and encourage others.

    I don't have a defining moment when I was first introduced to God. My parents were raised Christian, but we never went to church. My mom would leave little magazines about faith around the house. I knew where her white leather bible with the side zip was. We didn't pray as a family. A lot of people turn their lives over to God through salvation prayers. There is nothing wrong with that. It's a beautiful thing to witness, and to celebrate.

     My first encounter with God, I think I was 7 years old. I was riding my banana seat bike on  a warm Spring day. My long hair was blowing behind me as I pedaled on my adventure. I was just talking to God in my head. Having a conversation. I know NOW that this is prayer.  I don't know who introduced me to God.  There was nothing abnormal about this talking to God thing. Eventually I went to church with some people from our neighborhood on a little blue church bus. My friend and I went. My mom would come to christmas programs, and our brothers would come to youth events.

    I wish at times I could re-wind and have that bicycle moment again. Nothing interfering with my conversation of the maker of the earth. I asked for not a thing. My mind was unclouded with responsibilities and I didn't have enough knowledge to fear The Lord.  He just was. He still is. My faith journey has taken many different trails and plenty of trials. There were times that my spiritual life was strong. At other times I was sure that  God had left me, though he never did. I have prayed the sinners prayer as an adult, and responded to more than one altar call. I was water baptized at age 20.

What I know now, I am responsible for, and that is different than when I was 7. I have heard many people say that childlike faith equates to trust. I compel you to remember the story I just told you.  He just was, and He still is, and forever will be.