5 oh clock shadow

     This morning pain is what wakes me. Since I got a new coffee press, I can now make my 2 cups of Java instead of starting the pot....when I used to start the pot, the coffee would be cold by the time my hard working husband got up and was getting ready for work. So with 2 cups of Dark Canyon " Sugar Cookie" local roasted brew running through my veins, here goes.

     All three of our " kids" we're able to be home for Christmas. One will leave in four hours. The other leaves tomorrow. The other one is stuck here for just over 2 more years...and I'm glad. I'm not ready to empty nest. Not at all. It was so wonderful having us 5 here together. You never know when they boys may get married or be unable to make the trip and I find myself wondering if this is our last "us 5" christmas. Six if you count the dog...which by all means we should. She is 13 and amazing. Right now, I think she just went to hop in bed with a sleepover guest. She's everyone's dog.

     It's still kind of weird that the boys grow facial hair and shave and they get five oh clock shadow. I touched their faces whe. They were less then a minute old. Time flies when you ahave your back turned or your life full. I love my very best friends with every mL of my heart.. My husband, kids and dog. We have had such a great time talking, playing, eating, resting, working, bickering, laughing, praying...and I imagine we always will.

     This is a short blog entry as the real 5 oh clock shadow is beckoning. After years of battling insomnia, there have been things I hVe come to appreciate or embrace when my sleep is stolen. Many of my family members have insomnia and I have gained quite a bagful of insomnia advice from them.  If you can't beat it...join it. One of the things I had been doing is fully and completely enjoying the sunrise. Now that it is winter it is not only very cold, but also the sun rises later. So pre-dawn insomnia time is being put to use. I will not submit to melancholic feelings if I must be awake. I will embrace the still silence of a houseful of sleeping people.

     Each day I'm going to chase a five oh clock shadow when fighting insomnia night and benders. Today my five OH! Clock shadow is reading something I've been putting off. The remainder of a chuck Klosterman book I need to finish reading that my son lent to me.

4:56 am signing,
Very sleepless Syd

Arise! Awake! It's 12:43 a.m.

     My brain told me at 12:43 am that it was about 4:45 a.m. Not a bad shake for an insomniac since I was 18. I went to sleep at 10. Our daring and deceptive Dalmatian encouraged me along... She agreed with my thoughts and said... Yup...get up! Let's go outside. bRRRrRrRrrrrr. With our first major snow in the black hills arriving this week, I am definitely awake now. She went back to bed after sniffing around.

      In habitual pattern right on cue, my thoughts began asking a barage of questions. Why am I awake being on the tip top of the list. My melatonin had helped 6 glorious nights in a row, netting me an average of 6.5 hours. This is excellent for me. as I sip a mug of dark canyon " Jazzy Java" I think... It's because dan was called in AGAiN.. He and his team are saving a life and I am in an empty bed. I pray for the call team and the patient. I forgot to ask who the call team was this time, but I heard the phone say it was Brandy... So that's 2 by name covered. We half decorated for Christmas the last 2 days as energy would allow...maybe I'm awake because of christmas excitement. No...not an option. Joy usually doesn't prompt me up from REM. How do I know I was in REM? I hate being so inquisitive and seeking answers this time of " day".

      I dreamt. That's how I ascertain I slept "enough" for REM. I used to exclusively journal my dreams and I havent in a long time. I do know I dreamt of one of my best friends and a letter she never sent to me before she passed away. In the dream she was around 21. I know this because at this age ( two years before she passed away and ten years after her heart transplant) she looked the worst I had ever seen her. She was nearly always what I would consider epicly gorgeous. Beautiful blonde hair and captivating eyes.  There in her apartment she showed me her Bible and all the verses that were highlighted. That day like many others she asked me, as she had since we were 14 if I thought she was in rejection. At that time I had zero medical background. I asked about recent check-ups, etc.. Now: back to the dream... It was very short. All I remember is the un-sent letter. Dreams that I remember well, I feel are sometimes visions and sometime just leftovers from my day. I did watch a video of her son playing multiple blues instruments last night. I do have a few un sent letters, but they are ready to be mailed today and stacked on the counter in front of me. If it's un sent letters...it's most definitely metamorphical and not "un sent letters" from me. Yes.. I used un sent too many times to be grammatically correct. Be forgiving, don't judge...

It's now 1:35 a.m. Am I supposed to write someone a letter? No. Does someone have a message for me? I concede that this blog for now is the un-sent letter to get the questions to stop. I know it isn't pain this time that got me up. It wasn't panic. This blog post is like gumbo soup. Just throwing it all in there and  am gonna let it simmer awhile. I may go back and edit to add some spice. As of now it is raw and Un-cut version.

Shorter than usual post because my spasticity In left hand makes it difficult to type. The ulnar neuropathy has it in a claw hand. I did NOT sleep with my 'stay puft blue marshmallow resting hand and arm splints'. Could it BE??? Not pain... Just spasticity that I normally sleep through that I am up?

Off to do some passive assistive ( with gravity assisting) nerve glides and stretches.......

Very sleepless but not too aggravated since I was blessed with several nights of decent sleep,

Syd